Collection of Unfinished Thoughts on Someone

I miss the way I looked at you, and the excitement I had when going to see you.
Miss being silly together, with that old you, when we didn't care about anything or anyone,
wanting just having the most time with each other.

It was such a beautiful romance, really...
Such a shame we wasted, I mean, at least in my mind.
So many moments we would have, good, together, if we weren't so changed.
But that's the thing. We were changed.

Life made us make choices, choices that distanced ourselves from being any sort of story.
I was past to you. You were pain to me.
And today, years after everything, my heart has no feelings towards you.
In fact I haven't thought of you in a while.
But my mind is too silent at this point.
I haven't really thought of anything.
I haven't really thought of anyone.
Didn't fall in love either.
And I'm scared of this.

I'm scared of being permanently blocked of feelings.
Worst, blocked of connections.
I know no one new;
pass through whole conversations without absorbing or paying attention.
So, thinking about the way I looked at you when I was absorbing and feeling something
made me feel something.
Not to you, or for you.
For me, I felt excited by that idea again.
Of having someone to look at the way I did so many years ago.
But, as nothing is as easy as it can be, I don't know how to.
Ruminating constantly of what others think of me.
Which is stupid, I know, but understanding something doesn't make you believe it.

With that in mind, thing is, what if I was the bad guy in all of this?
What if I'm the only one to blame for being alone and having no soul to talk to?
What if I was the one that made you not love me anymore?
What if I find someone else, and I do all the mistakes over again?
Mistakes that I didn't know at the time.
Please no! I'm too tired.
Too tired to try again.
And too scared to confront myself over doing so.

This whole time the text was not for you.
Was my, stuffed with unfinished thoughts, mind.
Going into places it usually blocks.

Talking to you because I miss the old you, though.
That was a lovely person to be with.