My head goes places.
It rounds on itself,
tries to control the controlling of it.
"I need to control myself less, leave it be and stop worrying"
"I need to control more to actually participate in my own life when I'm better"
Well, I'm not better
I'm not worse either.
Tired maybe.
But all my head thinks is disaster.
All my mind goes is to drowning.
The day you love someone and try it.
Everything will come only to implode on you.
Everyone will come only to judge you.
No one is looking, but if they do
they will check the trash you see in the mirror too.
Or the day that you'll try to get the dream job
oh, one of those big ones, childhood said and set in stones.
You anxiety will come to stop, your performance certainly will drop.
And you know.
This is all in your head.
All of these demons should be already dead.
But they are not.
They are here, they are there.
when I look it's everywhere.
Inner or not. Demon or not.
Sorry, am I crying too much?
Expecting too much?
What should I expect?
What should I think to be ok with myself?
It's like I said before
internal disaster, nothing functions.
the knots are formed in my thoughts
I'm not really clear what is true
and what is not.
But in the meantime,
my mind goes places
I rather forget.
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